On the Beat

The new jeans behaved exactly like the old jeans: falling off my slender frame.

This called for drastic measures.

For the first time in – oh, maybe fifteen years – I have to wear a belt.

I don’t like wearing belts; they get in the way, I don’t find them comfortable, and generally I just haven’t needed them. I can’t quite work out why I need one now, but clearly I do.

At least my trousers aren’t falling down.