My answers to Frankie's questions...

[rhythmaning]

1. How did you know that J. was the right person for you?


Do they get easier after this? OK, it was a multi-staged realisation. From the first, there was clearly strong, mutual attraction; and physically, we were very good together. (You did ask!)

Then, it gradually became apparent that we liked to do much the same things – travelling, looking at countryside, eating, drinking, reading, going to movies, going to modern dance (we met at a dance performance at the Traverse, and spent several hours sitting in the Traverse Bar, talking intensely; like one does), all that – although there are sufficient differences, too.

After we had been together five years, it occurred to me that there really wasn’t anyone else I would rather be with – in a very positive way: that I wanted to spend my time with J and no one else. And that was when I proposed, since I knew that she would like the security. It hadn’t occurred to me that I would get such a kick out of being married too.


2. Why aren't you ambitious? Were you born that way or was it a journey, and if the latter tell me about the journey?


I think this is a trick question. I don’t believe I am not ambitious; I just think it comes out in different ways: I judge my success differently from most other people.

I can be very competitive, but it is largely intellectual. So at school – or even when I was doing my masters – I always like to be right (and usually, I am…). But I would say that in commerce, I lack the – let’s say the “burning drive for results” that others would characterise as ambition.

One reason for this is that I really don’t believe it is necessary. I am not overly materialistic: I am pretty comfortable on the salary I have had over the past few years; I have saved a lot, since I had more than I wanted to spend, and hence I am comparatively wealthy. I have taken advantage of various opportunities to invest as much as possible, which has paid off. (If there is a sharesave scheme or something similar with your new job – grasp it. Similarly, take all the advantages that you can to use any tax breaks – ISAs and pensions – that you can afford.) [There is also more to this story which I may share with you when we get together for that drink we keep talking about.]

So the bottom line there is, I don’t expect to be poor in the foreseeable future.

At another level, I have accomplished everything I set out to accomplish. So I feel a success.

And then look to the role models we have for ambitious people: at work, SJB, for instance; or JWB, or JB, or – well, there are a lot of them. They are generally restless, unhappy, and not very good company. (Who the f*ck wants to spend their holidays on a beach answering emails on their Blackberry, for instance? If that is what is expected, I am glad not to be “ambitious”!) I do not understand why people choose to be like that.

I was recently told that people who “Work to live” – who are interested in a lot of things outside work, whose personal lives are more important than their work lives, generally lack strong ambitious drives.

I do not know why I feel like this, but I pity those who feel they never have enough. My guess is that my upbringing may have a lot to do with it – though my mother uses very different criteria to me to judge success, much to my surprise. She thinks high salary equates with success; I don’t.

I might feel differently about all these things if I had kids; but I don’t.


3. What really shocks you and moves you to action?


I think this is a strange question: I don’t think it takes much to make me active, though I don’t think shock is the way to do it. Generally, I think I am quite energetic – so I may not understand what you are asking properly. (Calm, but energetic.)

So what shocks me? I don’t like surprises. I don’t like hate. The cruel things that people can do to other people shock me. The holocaust – just thinking about it sends a shiver down my spine. The idea that someone could drop the atomic bomb; or fly planes into the World Trade Centre, or – Unfortunately, it is a long list. People don’t seem to have difficulty in coming up with new ways to shock me. (Tony Blair does it regularly.)

What do I get active about? This is the bit I don’t really get. I am active. A blue sky. A plane journey. Art. Books. Music. Trees. Mountains. More music. Buildings. Sunlight. People. Wine. Whisky. The Moon. The things I feel passionate about.


4. What qualities do you look for in a friend? What would bar someone from ever becoming a friend?


I do not believe that friendship can be planned. There are, however, certain things I expect from friends, and I would be unforgiving if a friend disappointed me. The list might include

• loyalty
  
• deep trust
  
• shared interests
  
• a willingness to learn – an intellectual curiosity
  
• a very basic interest in people
  
• and many other things, too


This probably explains why I have few, strong friendships – most of which go back decades – and lots of acquaintances who fall by the wayside or get replaced (not intentionally!). I like people who make me think (and I think this is why I may look upon people in LJ as friends, too).

So what would bar people from being friends? Well, for most people, it takes time build up a stock of loyalty and trust; and that stock is easily wasted. I can’t stick two-faced people – shark-smiled colleagues and managers, for instance. I dislike people who presume things about me without asking questions. I really dislike contented ignorance. I don’t like people who do not listen, or who only hear what they want to hear.


5. Who are your desert island artists and why? (You may include photography if you need to, but you'll have to put up links if you do because chances are that I won't be familiar.)


How many makes a desert island? And the answer I would give would probably change frequently. And I would want my wife on my desert island for a very many reasons…


• Leonardo da Vinci – because the faces he paints have so much beauty. “The Virgin of the Rocks” in the National Gallery in London is just sublimely beautiful
  
• Botticelli, for largely the same reason
  
• Mark Rothko, whose canvasses have such a serene depth (the old Tate had a room with a large Rothko on each wall; I could sit for hours, slowly moving around to look at something else in the pictures; the room was almost chapel-like, full of peace, and a lovely space to be in)
  
• Monet, for creating pictures of waterlillies that I want to go swimming in – paintings to dive into (if you haven’t been to the Orangerie in Paris – and I guess you must have – it is worth going to Paris just to look at the Monet’s in the basement)
  
• Clyfford Still, who pictures are a bit like Rothko’s but have an energy rather than a peace – like lightning striking the canvas
  
• Richard Long, because he made me think anything could be art: I still love the idea of making art out of a walk!
  
• Andy Goldsworthy, for his imagination: so – snowballs as art!
  
• Turner – sunsets, and Venice
  
• Picasso – if only for “Guernica” (which shocks me dreadfully), but also because he has been so many artists – he changed styles: the gamine-blue period, the large-pink period (I love Picasso’s large women!)
  
• Matisse, for the pure simplicity of so much of his later work; the chapel at (I think, but I can’t quite remember) Vence is just wonderful.


No photographers. Though I could go on, too.